Went to the Master Bedroom to try Wetness the Fatness but it was more like Iceness the Gneissness:
But Koots finger-chipped a new hold left of Mr. Ed and Andy did it first:
Followed by a major gang-banging. Koots got sloppy fifths:
The low start will go – calling Boz….
Andy made up for adding a new problem by destroying an old one – he exploded the main hold on Boz’s link-up between Nuclear and Reckless. Maybe doesn’t go now. So a net gain of zero for the day. The place is a shit-pile but we love it.
Big Sur, CA
Big Sur, Cali
Jackson Hole, WY
HAVE NO CLUE!!!
Proudest weekend of my life.
Flew into SFO at about 10:07 a.m., jumped out the plane, a 767, big ballin’ no doubt, this story will not be lame. Grabbed my luggage, cammo pusher pad in tow, hopped on the next train to the rental car facility, yo. It was like 2 minutes in line at enterprise, she duped me into upgrading, because they didn’t have my size, car. Whatev’s its on the company, my credit card’s already jacked. So I drove my mid sized chrysler straight out the back, lot. WHo me? N0 i’ve never smoked pot. The next 3 hours I drove through cali, across some big ass bridge as you can see:
The weather looks good, I thought in my head, no rain in sight, al roker and his moist predictions can drop dead. The only lightning i want to see, is that big ass abomination of chalk in yosemite.
So, I drove and I drove, up to highway 140, squeeling the chrysler’s tires on the windy road, getting hated on by every cali choad, i passed. By the time the elevation reached five thousand or six, the rain drops starting flowing like b’s fingertips. Yeh, it reminded me, of when your ready to send, but then he glom’s up the crux holds like spooger mcgee.
Upon paying my fee, I entered the rainforest at about a quarter to 3, pm. Camp four was abandoned, no surprise there. Ok, no more rhyming, cuz i know I suck. You should hear me freestyle, its ill as fuck.
So my goal this afternoon was to send midnight lightning, but it was soaked as all hell, dripping from the top, my heart was broken:
As any man would, I fingered the start holds, polished wet goo, it reminded me of something, hmmm, what to do? Right then and there I knew, to save this day, there were three things that I needed to achieve. Oh YEH, you can’t escape my rhyming methodology!
First, I had to do it, it was wet, my instinct took over and I just couldn’t stop, so I licked that white goo, like a lollipop:
Second, I knew, I had to become one with nature, so just like les claypool, “I pull the blinds then I take my clothes off, dance around the house like nature boy. My genitalia and pectoral muscles arent quite what I would like them to be. But you don’t see me. No one can see me”(SICK BASS RIFF) As I made my way through the boulders, I called Josh to lament the wetness, and just as I rounded the THRILLER boulder, it happened.
Nature and I fused, a holy matrimony, of a dooshbag old man, and a wet pussy. This cat walked by me (within 10ft) and I scrambled to take these shitty blurry pix for you to see:
Second goal, achieved.
Finally, I needed to accomplish severe physical excertion, so I spoke with the camp four ranger chick, (showing off my blurry pix of my fine bobcat’s ass) and embarked on the 3.5 mile death trudge to the top of yosemite falls, at 3:30 pm, after daylight saving’s had turned back the clocks. 30 minute miles, pfft, E to the Z. This lowlander dipshit had no CLUE. Here’s me dying at like one mile deep:
so psyched that I drove 3.5 hrs to not climb!
Well, I got close:
And I kept going up the gully to the left, but eventually exhaustion and darkness set in, so I jogged back down, defeated.
I know, I know, you all are jealous, but don’t worry, you too can be as smart and in shape as me, if you follow those three steps, and eat this shiz nightly:Read More