WOLVOGYNA UPDATE

Tuesday, July 19th, 2011

sup yall.

tried to enter the wolvo today but contracted altitude sickness from talking to pj on the phone, so i could only make it to tunnel two in choss creek canyon.

did some sport climbing on some choss. there were lots of white Xs all over the placed and fixed draws. at least the grades were kittens and i was able to send hard in only a few tries.

did get to check out the game. feels like v10. dunno what all the excitement was about. def not v16. thought about trying to do the first deep water ascent of dark waters, but i forgot my nose plugs at home and couldn’t find a raft at the whole foods so i could get out to it.

probably gonna try to hire a sherpa or two and buy some oxygen tanks for my attempt at the wolvo tomorrow.

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ENTERING THE WOLVOGYNA

Monday, July 18th, 2011

sittin in a starbucks on pearl st. (WICKED COOL)
looking for beta about how to enter the WOLVO.
not exactly sure where it is, but i think ima head to the spot tonight to get some of the LOCAL BETA.
hopefully they tell me where all the stashed pads are cause i dont want to carry mine all the way there cause im LAZY.
i heard the sheriff was out of town so im gonna start on all the WRONG STARTING HOLDS of all the SICK V14/12s.
its gonna be ILL. SO ILL. but not so-ill cause thats in souther illinois and im in coloRADo. DUH.
MORE UPDATES SOON.

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Victoria Beckham

Sunday, July 17th, 2011

In the fine words of Victoria Beckham, “I am a control freak. I am very hands on and pay attention to details.”  Well.  Alright then.

 

In a related story, C’MON SON!!

 

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New Falcon Guide: How to climb 5.8-

Friday, July 15th, 2011

Introducing our new Falcon guide, How to climb 5.8- (<– click back they’re for teh video! <–)!   Since the kidz <3 teh movies, we’ve made a a multi-media presentation!   Already we has 7,000 views!!  <3 teh gumbs!



 

Covering such topics as:

 

Toprope falls

  • Does you have what it takes?

 

Cabineners

  • How does they lock so good?

 

Bandanna + daisy chain + chalk bag x locking biners = A OKAY W/ MEH

  • Its a matter of convenience ya’ll.  Don’t forget the boar’s hair brush (my toes get slimy…)!

 

La Sportiva Solutions: best belay shoe 2011

  • Clamber shoes is tight!!

 

Video tips: ONLY SHOOT CLOSE-UPS

  • You all is a bunch of silly gooses!   This is a no brainer ya’ll!  (Plus I like how muscley I look)

 

Cell phones and Bouldering

  • Update Facebook status: Failed on teh proj t-day. ”Suzy A” lives another day. (Hey that rhymes! LOL)

 

 

Produthed by Viper Studioths!  Watch out for the thsnake bite!

 

 

take.

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My first piece in my PCI portfolio!!

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011

YA’LLS – I GOT CONSULTED BY THE PCI!  I’m a broffessional!  Bleedat!!!

 

They told me to keep my climbing portfolio “relevant.”  Does that mean not wear last year’s H&M tanktop in my facebook brofile??   I DON’T HAVE THESE ANSWERS (so I paid them to tell me).

 

We’ll, you all know I’m a video ho-ffessional now.  KOBD.  I have a brand to maintain.  Buuuuuuut I’ve been sitting on this sicky footage for a while hesitant to release it because truthfully its a little half baked.  But KJ told me its kewl… AND that its so good I get to make the vids for that sicky comp they did once (ehem, the Battle in the Butthole, how could I forget?)!  TOTES-PSYCHED-ZORMG-FLABBERGAST!

 

http://vimeo.com/26070139

 

BOOM!

 

Four Ton Mantits.

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NOTHING BUT NYET.

Tuesday, July 5th, 2011

Top Roping in the Gunks: NOTHING BUT NYET. from Optimistic338 on Vimeo.

The title says it all. Filmed over several days, during some of the best conditions yet this year, this video is sure to fufill your desire to see footage of all of the following things:

TOP ROPING AZNS
TOP ROPING RUSSIANS
TOP ROPING MIDGETS
TOP ROPING HOMELESS DUDES
TOP ROPE SPIDERWEBS
TOP ROPE FAILS
TOP ROPE DISSES
TOP ROPING SPOUSE FIGHTS

and last but not least

TOP ROPE SUCCESS

Remember, when you go top roping, go for NOTHING BUT NYET.

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an open letter

Saturday, July 2nd, 2011

Dear climbing media:

 

Please dedicate more space in your magazines to articles about jumbley 5.6 slabs. You guys do it so well.  Plus it gives me and my friends something to talk about as we struggle to tie our fagure-8 knots. I really hate reading about cool “rock climbs.”  UNG those chubby red-helmets make my red-helmet chubby.  Just an FYI, I’ve already cancelled my subscription to Sports Illustrated because they don’t cover enough tee-ball (cite). And screw Cooks Illustrated… UGH!!  Those fatdicks won’t dedicate a single article to Gerber baby foods.  LOLicopter. ZOMG… I love holy unrelenting choss moderates. I’M A ROCK CLIMBERERERER! HEAR ME RAWR! Fuck.

 

Oh ps. You’re probably real psyched the NYT got a jump on you guys and actually covered that comp in NYC. Ya know, cause you had all that other important stuff to do – like tongue punching Jens Whatshisdick’s fartbox.

 

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